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Dear Reader,

Do you ever get the sense that there is a mountain towering over you (it's a metaphorical mountain, of work) and that your ladder is never really going to be long enough for you to reach the top?

I sometimes feel like the dad in the story Papa, please get the moon for me: he's being asked to go get the moon, but crucially, unlike me, he has a ladder long enough.

So, while I wait for my ladder to magically grow a few metres to get through the work, the backlog and the god forsaken life admin, I'm having to miss a newsletter here and there. In my (I promise, temporary and occasional) absence, how else have you been occupying your Sunday morning? If you ever miss the Sunday newsletter, remember you can always catch up on past issues here.

Turning to news from this side of the pond that have inspired today's newsletter: did you know that there is one day a year in which you can hear the sound of about 1 million parents simultaneously holding their breath?

That is the joy of National Offer Day, the day all families in the whole of England find out what primary school their children are going to. Which made me think: won't my readers be delighted to read a newsletter about 5 curious facts about the English education system?

And because I sometimes convince myself my internal voice is right, today I am indeed going to delight you with 5 facts about English schools you (maybe) didn't know about.

It's not just a topic that's interesting in itself but it also lends itself well to a culture lesson. For example you can:

• Take the 5 facts and turn them into a true/false activity
• Take the 5 facts, change one and make it untrue, then turn it into a 4 truths, 1 lie activity, where learners have to spot the lie and explain their reasons
• Chunk the 5 facts into a quick presentation, then ask students to find 1 more interesting fact and add it to the presentation
• Ask students to compare and contrast the English school system with the Italian system and/or any other systems they know about

So, with these potentially simple tweaks that could help you prepare your Monday lessons in record time: get your coffee and let's go 🚀

A quick overview of the English education system

Just to make sure we're on the same page: when we refer to the English education system, what are we talking about? As you will know if you've done my course Culture in English-speaking countries, the English system includes:

• Primary school: from Reception to Year 6
• Secondary school: from Year 7 to Year 13

In year 11, students normally take their GCSEs (General Certificates of Secondary Education). In year 13, students take their A-levels, which are key for pursuing university studies.

With that said, we're ready to explore our 5 facts: how many of these did you already know?

1. There are quite a few "hold your breath" national days

As I mentioned before, 16 April every year is the day everyone in England¹ finds out where their primary-aged child will go to school in September. Parents submit their applications by January each year: in their applications, they can express their order of preference for 3 to 6 schools (the number varies by local council, with London councils often offering higher numbers). Then, on the glorious Offer Day, they find out what school their council has allocated them.

But the tradition to have these very big days where everybody holds their breath doesn't end there: there is not just a primary school offer day, but also a national secondary school offer day (2 March). And if it wasn't enough for parents to hold their breath, children get to enjoy this lovely tradition too, because the results of their GCSE and A level exams are also published on the same day nationally (20 and 13 August respectively, which I suspect must make for very relaxing holidays).

If you're in England around those days, you can't really miss it, because many cities and schools put up banners around town congratulating students on their results.

2. Students start school really young

Now, you know how in Italy, all children born within a solar year, from 1 January to 31 December, go to school in the same year? Right, things are a little more complicated in England, where a year's school intake includes children born between 1 September and 31 August of the following year. So, for example, the children who are starting school in September 2026 will have been born (exquisite example of the future perfect passive if you want to bookmark it) between 1 September 2021 and 31 August 2022.

Now... did you spot the year? Essentially, this means that kids as young as 4 years old can start school. There is an option for "summer born children", i.e. children born between April and August, to defer their school start until they turn 5, but most people don't choose this route.

You may be wondering "what kind of superhero teacher manages to teach primary to kids aged 4?", and you may be right; however, the first year of school is called Reception and it's not too dissimilar from our kindergarden. Lots of play with a bit of reading and maths for good measure.

3. Class sizes are really quite big

One of the most common complaints teachers have is about class sizes: if only class sizes were smaller, we'd be able to work better. I obviously share that sentiment; however, I also find that people are often shocked to hear that class sizes in English primary schools are 30 pupils.

You might have fewer if the school is undersubscribed (i.e. if the school had fewer applications than places available), but several school are oversubscribed and their normal size is 30 pupils per class. Schools sometimes have teaching assistants to help teachers out, but the fact remains that these class sizes are among the biggest in OECD countries.

4. Public schools are actually private (and many private schools are closing down)

As I mention in the course on Culture in English-language speaking countries, you'd be excused if you thought that public schools were... well, public, i.e. publicly-funded and accessible for all. However, as Wikipedia helpfully tells us,

These (actually private) schools include very famous institutions, such as Eton and Winchester, and you will normally not find classes of 30 pupils in there. One fun but not really fun fact about them is how tightly linked a private education is to a career in politics: you can actually peruse a dedicated Wikipedia page which will tell you, among other things, that only 11 of the 58 prime ministers the UK has had since Robert Walpole have gone to state schools (i.e. non-fee paying schools). There are therefore more prime ministers who have come from Eton alone (20 to the present day, Walpole included!) than all state schools combined.

A recent development that has changed things for private schools is the fact that the Labour government started charging them VAT (our "IVA" tax) last year, whereas they had previously been exempted from it. According to the BBC, more than 100 private schools have already had to close due to this development in just a little over a year. This means a lot of things, including fewer places available in total; however, the number of children starting school has been decreasing steadily with lower birth rates, so that may balance out the impact.

5. Evaluation from the government and parents is so big that it caused... verbing

In a previous newsletter, I told you a little about Ofsted, the Office for Standards in Education. It's the government institution whose inspectors go out and inspect schools in England. These inspections are quite formal, they last a few days and they can be very stressful for school staff. Based on these inspections, schools get a sort of grade, so they're very high stakes.

But it's not only inspectors that inspect schools; parents can also give their views through a national survey issued by Ofsted called, perhaps slightly unimaginatively, Ofsted Parent View. You can view all the results for any school of interest and see what parents think of it.

One final curious fact: you know how in English, sometimes nouns can turn into verbs without really changing their form? So Google became "to google", email became "to email (someone)" and so on? It's a phenomenon informally called "verbing". Well, it turns out that the Ofsted inspection experience is so consequential that Ofsted is used by many as a verb, e.g. "our school got ofsteded last week". Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? The folks at Lexical Lab have more to say on this if you're interested in the topic.

And with that, today's newsletter comes to a close!

I hope your weekend is blessed with sun, flowers blooming and a reasonable amount of relaxation.

Take care, dear teacher ✨

¹ You will notice I've used the word England, not UK: that is because there are key differences in the education systems in the 4 devolved nations of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. If you're curious, here is a full explanation.

P.S.: My weekly suggestion for things to listen to/watch/read to improve your English while relaxing: Something that I sometimes underestimate is the impact of the right song on my perspective, particularly on tough day. I recently discovered the album Anxiety replacement therapy by The Lottery Winners. It's a good album all-round, but I'm especially enjoying the song Letter to Myself (featuring Frank Turner, another favourite of mine). It's literally a letter from the singer to his own self aged 12. I recommend a good listen, and to convince you, here are the lyrics. The Mancunian accent is just a bonus!

Dear Self, I know you're crying out for help
So, I thought I'd write this letter, what are you now, like 12?
I know it seems like the pressure's stuck on high
But I've come from your future to tell ya it's fine

You need to worry less about how you are perceived
And focus a bit more on the things that you believe
'Cause I know it seems like now you don't have your place
But it will all fit together, trust me, it's the case

So, get out there and do all the things you love
And don't you dare sacrifice them just to look good
Read some of those books sitting on the shelf
Drink in that knowledge, this is a letter to myself

I know it's a long, long way to go when you're at the start
But before you know, you're halfway down the road
And everything seems smaller, everything seems smaller
Everything seems smaller

Go easy on your parents, they don't know what they're doing
Actually, they're still growing up, mate, they're only human
Your teens and your 20s will fly by in a flash
So, cherish every moment, embrace every laugh

You're gonna find films and the songs of The Smiths
And in that whole universe for you to exist
It's gonna teach you that others feel the same way
They're gonna be your friends, they're still your friends today

All your greatest days are still yet to come
There will be heartbreak, but there'll be so much love
And that girl from school, you think there's no one better?
She's not the one for you, mate, just forget her

I know it's a long, long way to go when you're at the start
But before you know, you're halfway down the road
And everything seems smaller, everything seems smaller
Everything seems smaller

But I'm not here to tell you which way to go
That's a decision you gotta make on your own
And you're gonna make mistakes, but from each you will learn
For every wrong turn, there's experience earned

And trust me, it's a journey, it's happening now
And you're gonna do so many things that make you proud
Don't get me wrong, it's not all plain sailing
There's times you're in front, and times that you're failing

The world is so much bigger than the one at school
And if you saw me now, you'd probably think I was cool
So, work hard and leave nothing to luck
Every time you fall, you will get up

Don't rush, take some time to be a kid
And don't beat yourself up for stupid stuff you did
Trust me, I know exactly what you're going through
Love yourself, yours sincerely, You

There's a long, long way to go when you're at the start
But before you know, you're halfway down the road
And everything seems smaller, everything seems smaller
Everything seems smaller

✨Cool things I heard this week

Thank you for helping me get a 94 at the oral exam. It's the first time I've passed it with such a high score and I feel so confident and happy with myself.

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